When you love a person, you are giving them the power to hurt you.

Picture copyright of Nicky Lee

Sometimes...it would be nice if my thoughts came out as words instead of tears.
Or if I could speak as well as I type. (is hyper online)

Years of experience has proven that I am quite incapable of getting angry at people who are close to me. When I argue, I always end up in tears (even though i'm right).

Don't be mistaken, I'm perfectly capable of scaring the hell out of salespersons who annoy me with bad services. But when it comes to people i know, I just either keep quiet(to avoid further conflict) or defend myself with sarcasm...or try arguing with wet cheeks.

It hurts to see those that I love so dearly getting upset. That's why i tend to just shut up and pray that the tense moment will just go away.

It's not like i can win a fight where my words are like a double-edged sword. They cut both you and me up. So my darlings, please don't torment me with this weakness. I really can't fight back fairly.

Speaking of sarcasm, most of my friends would know by now that I'm naturally sarcastic.
It comes naturally when i'm scared, annoyed or plain bored.
Confused yet? Well, it's like this...

I don't like people noticing that I'm sad or afraid or whatever. So i tend to drop sarcastic remarks to draw away the attention or to mislead them.
E.g.: "I am incapable of feeling pain unlike you oversensitive creatures..."

I did say that I rarely get angry but I do get annoyed pretty easily. Especially with inconsiderate people and trust me...this world does not lack those types. Sometimes i exhibit sarcasm by words and sometimes by actions. Here's an example of sarcasm by action:

During a dinner outing, inconsiderate person D was sitting amongst us. As we were having some indian food that night, our indian friends naturally used their hands to dine. D started saying things like, "Don't you think that eating with hands is dirty? Why do you indians do that? It's just so dirty...blahblahblah" to the indian girl next to him, who was ironically, using her hands. And he continued with the nonsense until MY order came.

So naturally sarcastic me, who was sitting in front of him, slowly and gracefully placed my cutlery down and...USED MY HANDS (chill guys, it was indian bread not rice).

This is pretty subtle. But i hope he got the hint. If he didn't, then the Big-Guy-Up-There must have been mass producing in the numbskull category.

Sarcasm when I'm bored...well, that's just me throwing in sarcastic jokes to lighten up the atmosphere and hopefully no one got offended. I mean, it's a joke guys...take a chill pill. (=__=)

There has been only 2 other ppl so far in my circle of friends who can understand and beat me at sarcasm. Hail to them brothers. I lost every single time in a battle of words. T_T

So, to conclude this very long post...to my dear friends, if I sometimes seem cold or act nonchalant, it's not because your affections are slipping through me...it's just that I don't know how to return them properly.

You will rarely see me cry, laugh out loud and you will almost always see me smile.

This is who I am, and I doubt I'll change much. It is a kind of pride that I was born with and grew to love. I am passionate about my ideals because it makes me different.

I will perhaps change as time goes by but do not expect an overnight transformation.

Change is good...but only when necessary. And I won't change just to keep up with majority's ideals.

Besides...

I'm more comfortable being prim and proper than letting loose like a wild goose.
<sarcastic joke...i don't mean to insult anyone.>

We live by our own ideals. We are beings meant to be unique.